i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
