dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
