if only i could text you this smell
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
