i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
