I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
