Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
