Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
two words...techno handjob
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
