if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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