I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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