You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
