I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
