She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
