Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
