Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
