bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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