Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally burped into my bong.
one might say we're banned from that church
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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