I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
