it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
MIDGETS
????
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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