i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
