i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
