He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
