So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
