nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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