I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
