he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
