It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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