I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
