It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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