.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
