I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you made out with another girl for some wings
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
