a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
