I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
