i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
