You smell like stripper and shame
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
