I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
