it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
