I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
