john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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