oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My cat gives me a boner
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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