Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
