just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
