Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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