Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
