My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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