He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
