yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
