I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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