hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize