My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
