SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
