just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
