So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
