My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
