I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
