god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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