I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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