I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
