I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
