He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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