so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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