508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
