im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
