Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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