They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
