and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
