somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
