Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
