DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
