You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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