Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
