yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
