Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
