Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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