Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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