just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
