I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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